Making Hostile Words Harmless: A Guide to the Power of Positive Speaking For Helping Professionals and Their Clients [Paperback]

Infused with wisdom and a strong dose of humor, Making Hostile Words Harmless offers therapists and their clients a unique collection of effective exercises and bully-busting responses guaranteed to diffuse difficult exchanges. Filled with helpful tools, the book uses the martial art of Aikido, or the 'way of harmony' to teach the 'verbal arts' of confirming, inquiring, understanding, and evoking.

Case Stories xi

Introduction xiii

Acknowledgments xxi

Chapter 1 Difficult People and the Art of AikidM 1

Martial ArtsEast Does Not Meet West 2

Verbal Arts 3

Instinctual Reactions 4

Turning the Spotlight 5

Response versus Reaction 6

Chapter 2 Acting as IfThe Art of Confirming 9

What and Why of Confirming 10

Art of Agreement 11

Speak It as You Want It 13

Counting on Compliments 16

Drama Is Worth a Thousand Words 22

Reverse Resistance with Psychology 24

Exercise 25

All-Purpose Confirmations 27

Chapter 3 Asking QuestionsThe Art of Inquiry 31

Dialogues 32

Pseudoquestions 34

Asking Questions to Avoid Assumptions 35

Asking Hidden Questions to Promote Contemplation 37

Spotlight Effect 38

Asking Questions to Prevent Prying 39

Asking Questions to Evoke Inquiry 41

Asking Questions that Give People a False Choice 44

Asking Questions that Predict Success 46

Exercise 47

All-Purpose Questions 49

Chapter 4 Active ListeningThe Art of UlCK