How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most [Hardcover]

In this pioneering work, a renowned happiness scientist and a top relationship researcher draw on the science of happiness, love, and human connection to offer a powerful framework to help readers appreciate and nurture what makes them feel truly loved.

We can be loved—and still not feel loved. Many people believe that if they behave the right way, say the right things, or make themselves morelovable, they will feel more loved. But this kind of reflexive thinking is fundamentally misguided, causing a disconnect that can lead to loneliness, depression, and self-doubt. Sonja Lyubomirsky, the world’s preeminent expert on happiness, and Harry Reis, one of the world’s leading experts on relationships and connection, have studied the complexities of well-being and love in depth. Truly feeling loved, they’ve discovered, differs widely from the actions that we usually associate with loving, being loved, and falling in love.

In this exceptional book, they present a radical, hopeful, and science-backed shift in how to think about love, revealing that feeling loved isn’t about making ourselves more appealing, available, and lovable—it’s about showing our full and vulnerable selves to others and encouraging our loved ones to reveal their full and vulnerable selves to us. This is true for romantic love but also for the love we feel in friendship, family, and beyond.

InHow to Feel Loved, they introduce five powerful mindsets—tools to help us feel the love we crave with the people in our lives.

ASharing mindset—showing our vulnerabilities and inner world, not just the polished parts

AListening-to-Learn mindset—making space to truly tune in to another, not just to take turns speaking

ARadical Curiosity mindset—being genuinely interested in another and asking better questions

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